Yeah, that happened. Last week, in fact; I've been thirty for a whole seven days now. And for now, I will keep that topic on the back burner, since it was not exactly what I would call a "good experience".
So then why I am writing? ... now that I think about it, that's a marvelous question, because it would seem I don't really have anything to say, and yet I feel a huge compulsion to write this morning, which is a bit stupid as it's Monday and usually the busiest morning of the week for me, and I will likely be pulled off here to do real work (or least, what I'm paid to do for work) in less than an hour, so I won't have much time to devote to writing. And still, I write. Ramble, more like. I guess this is an exercise in stream of consciousness. That could escalate into something intense very quickly.
I've been struggling a lot lately with my weight, or rather, how much extra padding I've put on in the last two weeks with a lot of self-indulgent behavior, especially when it comes to sugar. I was doing really well with sugar cravings until last summer, when I started working a new job in a garage, and was already surrounded with so many fumes and chemicals that I figured adding an extra bit of sugar wouldn't be the worst thing going into my system during my average work day. Then it became, "well, I'm already eating more sugar, so why not be a little stupid and have some more for this one time?" So now, being the sugar addict that I am (and I'm using that term with only a small amount of humor), I am yet again in a position to ween myself off of something I know to be causing many of my current health concerns-- skin, fatigue, weight gain, depression-- and will have to make some big lifestyle changes to make this work. It's mostly at the end of the day, when I'm done with dinner, that I start craving what starts out as dessert and ends up being The Entire Week's Stock of Chocolate And/Or Ice Cream that I purchased in one go so I would see how much I have and view it as something that should take me a long time to consume. Lately, I've just been chowing down whatever I have, and then go out to get more. Really stupid behavior. I spent most of the summer trying to supplement with exercise any time I had a sugar craving, which was such an admirable goal, and I did do well in getting rid of about 8-9 lbs in flab, but with the end of the season approaching and the snowball effect of having so much sugar that my adrenals are fried and my need for sleep has gone way up so that I'm trading off the time I would use for a quick morning workout for an extra 15 minutes of snooze, some of the pounds came back, and I feel very blech. Just... blech. It's not a good feeling in the slightest.
To jumpstart my goals for the autumn, I'm celebrating my birthday a little late with a few acupuncture sessions. My first one is this evening after work, and it will be the first session I've had in over four years. I used to get acupuncture much more regularly, and always responded well to it, but things changed (as they are wont to do) and I fell out of the routine. I am soooooo excited for my session tonight, and I have two more sessions that I paid for already that I will need to schedule, so that should help get the rest of September on the right track, and with some other changes, this fall will be a lot better than the last one.
I'm so much in "get-it-done" mode now, trying to save up money and get my ducks in a row before I make any big life changes, that I feel like I'm shutting other parts of me down to do this. At times, I can appreciate what I'm doing, because if it gets me what I want, then it's worth it. Every once in a while, though, I feel like I'm giving up some short term relief for long term wants that may not come through, and it's hard to remind myself that no one has the art of prediction down cold, so I don't need to hate myself for not knowing what's in store and what efforts from today will pay off next year.
Work is about to be at its busiest, so this is the end for today. Writing urge fulfilled, so I guess I can take it easier on myself; I got what I needed to out of my head and into a journal.
Phone ringing! Gotta go!
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