Monday

Working out again. Finally. I think it's been around a month since I've done anything active at all, and I've been noticing how different things feel when I'm not even doing a round or two of Tabata. I mean, come on, that's about 4-8 minutes out of my 24 hours, I should be able to sneak that in once a day... but with a handful of different factors in play, I can certainly understand why I haven't wanted to do anything for so long. So it was a round of ab work followed by another round of full body, all body weight resistance exercises so I wouldn't have to use a leaking sandbag on my freshly vacuumed carpet. My goal this week is to do something every single day, and not to push myself, but to get back into a habit. By the end of four weeks, I would like to have lost about 4-5 pounds (which is completely reasonable and doable), and would like many of my clothes to fit better-- I was putting away summer things last night, and have so many cute thermals and sweaters that would fit better if I wasn't carrying extra weight I don't need. I'm most comfortable somewhere around the mid 130s, and that's going to take some time to get back to, but it should be a fun process-- it is so satisfying getting stronger and leaner and faster and better, and it will pay off in the mental health department, too.

Still doing some target formation with therapy, laying groundwork for the more intensive portion of EMDR coming up. We hit the motherload in my last session, and combining the emotional effort it took to get through it with the mental fatigue from an early appointment on a Saturday after a long week, I was wiped out at the end of one hour. Fortunately, I had literally nothing that needed to get done that day, so when I finished my usual grocery shopping and got laundry done, I felt way ahead of the curve. My sleep schedule is getting back to normal without taking melatonin, and it helps that I have a finite amount of time for sleep five days a week, so it's keeping me going to bed (maybe not falling asleep, but committing to the time) consistently. I've changed my alarm to 6:00am so I have an extra fifteen minutes to squeeze in a workout, and once the weather starts including... *gulps* snow... I'll still have time to get my car cleaned off and warmed up and ready to go without being late.

It got nutsy busy in here for about an hour, and it'll get busier in a few minutes, so I'm gonna call this one. I'll end by saying that I am practicing all of the techniques we've been working on in my sessions, and they're helping so much. My therapist was saying that a good judge of how well they're working is the emotional turn-around time. Mostly, I've been in the five-ten minute range, and compared to hours, days, weeks, even months of getting stuck in a funk, that is HUGE improvement for me. I like the idea of having a turn-around time that is so fast (with the proviso that it is healthy for me) that I don't even recognize it as being a situation that could have generated a funk. Something to work towards.